[addtoany]

The Washington State Department of Transportation says that the deep-bore tunnel project in Seattle is 70 percent done. The basis of that claim, apparently, is that they’ve spent 70 percent of the money they intended to spend, even though the tunnel machine Bertha is broken, at least a year behind schedule, and has only tunneled 11 percent of the distance she is expected to go.

So, by that definition, I am 90 percent done with my taxes for 2014, because even though I haven’t paid all of them yet, or collected the scraps of paper and receipts together or talked to my accountant or done any of the onerous paperwork, I have already earned and spent most of the money I am supposed to pay taxes on. So I can relax.

Losing weight in the New Year is also a done deal because I have 100 percent of the weight I need to lose already on my body. In fact, after the holidays, I may be up to 105 percent. I also have mustered 100 percent of the good intentions to diet, so now as I eye the leftover eggnog, I am going to sip the rum-spiked concoction over breakfast to celebrate my success.

I can already feel a sleeker, newer me.

Next Christmas has been taken care of, by the way. That’s because I’ve already spent the money I’d set aside for it this Christmas. My credit cards indicate I’ve spent 200 percent of my budget for Christmas 2015. So that means next Christmas has been taken care of. I’ll just send out cards telling people to simply enjoy this year’s presents again. You see, unlike WSDOT, I delivered a year ahead of schedule!

Also, I’m happy to say that my writing for 2015 is already taken care of. All the words I wrote last year: they can simply be re-arranged by smart Seattle magazine editors to comprise my body of work for the New Year. So, every deadline has already been met—early I might add.

The words are there—100 percent of them.

Bertha is not the only overachiever in town.