Heartbeat: Ask Dr. Pepper Schwartz
The column answering your questions or discussing topics on sexuality, love, and relationships
The Good News About Size
It's true: it really doesn't matter
Well, let’s suppose, just for a moment, that bigger is better. I say “just for a moment” because I don’t actually think there are any data to support the idea that bigger penises are more talented, satisfying or even more handsome. They are, however, culturally admired and many men, and some women, fetishize size and…
Heartbeat: Why Your Spouse Should Be More like a Dog
We could all learn loyalty, love and understanding
As many of you know, I am considered a relationship expert, and from time to time, I like to write a column about the discoveries that keep happening as I listen in and give feedback to couples and singles about love. But for this column, I want to talk about what I think may be…
Heartbeat: When Hearts and Heads Collide
Perhaps everyone has heard the saying that goes something like “to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results is the definition of crazy.” We all smile knowingly, perhaps even smugly. Of course, that’s true. But we shouldn’t be so smug because if that’s the definition of crazy, we are all…
Heartbeat: The Marriage Malaise
Marriage rates are as low as they’ve been in a century. Here’s why it matters.
Is marriage becoming a bridge too far? I’ve been thinking about marriage lately. Or non-marriage, as it turns out. The stats for the last couple of years show fewer people marrying than a decade ago, people marrying later, and that while married people are happier than unmarried people, surveys show they are not as happy…
Heartbeat: Showing Up
Be there for life’s biggest moments
It’s been an odd wedding season. Basically, a large number of weddings have been on hold because of Covid and now, anxious to finally make their commitment legal, weekend after weekend, couples are lined up with local and destination weddings. The destination weddings have me thinking. It started when I called dear friends from San…
Heartbeat: Pay For What?
The invasion of the transactional body snatchers
Lest you think I am alerting you unnecessarily, let me reassure you that when I heard about this, I gasped. GASPED! But perhaps you will gasp, too, unless, of course, you knew this all along. What I am referring to is a new culture in dating that looks an awful lot like it’s turning female daters into,…
Heartbeat: Let’s Talk. Or Not.
Is conversation a lost art? The younger generation prefers texting over talking.
Welcome to my world! This is my first column (to be followed by others and podcasts). I spend a lot of time thinking about intimate relationships. If you’ve read any of my previous work as a professor at the University of Washington, or watched me on television, you know that I care about what keeps…
Heartbeat: How Corvin Saved My Marriage
There are many ways to further your own happiness
Well, of course the headline is an overstatement, but really, this column is all about finding a way to cope with differences about things you love to do that are deeply satisfying to you but will not, or cannot, be shared with your partner. So how does Corvin fit in here? Corvin is this great…
Heartbeat: Defrosting Seattle. It’s time to become more friendly.
The Seattle Freeze versus the Nashville Warm
So, this column is not so much about the Seattle Freeze, but the Nashville Warm. And how I came to be frozen and how I hope to melt. When I first came to Seattle, I realized that I had to cool down. I grew up in Chicago and went to school in the Midwest and…
Gender-Bending in the Wilderness
Intense outdoor trip defied conventions
At a dear friend’s suggestion, my husband and I signed up for a six-day trip in the Frank Church Wilderness, one of the longest stretches of protected wilderness in the United States. It was run by Middle Fork River Expeditions, and it came with six experienced river guides, all men and one woman. Madeline oversaw…
Aging Well Really Is The Best Revenge
We can all learn something from the late Tina Turner
I’m bothered by the term “aging gracefully,” whatever that means. I think a better phrase is “aging dynamically,” being your vital, wisest self, a carefully-curated product of living and learning over many years. I know. I am not trying to be Sally Sunshine here and overlook the harsher aspects of being in the third and…
About the Heartbeat Column
Welcome to my world!
I spend a lot of time thinking about intimate relationships.
If you’ve read any of my previous work as a professor at the University of Washington, or watched me on television, you know that I care about what keeps people together, what drives them apart and what gives them pleasure. I am curious about trends, but also unique behaviors. I look at people above the clavicle and below the waist. It’s all interesting and important to me.
I know it is to you, too. I want to hear what you’re thinking. Please ask me questions or give your point of view at [email protected] and I will respond, if appropriate, online and perhaps in print.
Let’s have some meaningful conversations – and some fun while we’re at it!
So, what’s on my mind today?
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