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I’d like to thank the academy, and my parents. Couldn’t have done it without them.

And, most especially, I’d like to thank my Seattle costars—all 200,000 of them—for this was truly a collaborative effort.

Being named the city with the handsomest men in America is an awesome responsibility.

According to Grooming Lounge, which operates a couple of swanky men’s barbershops in the nation’s capital and a website where you can OD on dermal clay cleansers and rice bran eye moisturizers, Seattle men spend about $682—more than the national average of $539.50 a year—on personal care items and services each year.

And because we spend the most on personal care, Grooming Lounge has decided we are the “Most Handsome City,” male division (for the second time!). Sure, it might seem more logical to call us the “Most Desperate to Be Noticed.” Or the “Most Likely to Have Misplaced the Man Bun Styling Cream After Being Ridiculed by Our Wives, So Now We Have to Spend More Money on Another Bottle.” Or the “Most Likely Spend Our Paycheck on Beard Grooming Oil.”

But it’s a tad churlish to quibble over the inscription on a plaque, isn’t it?

So, on behalf of all Seattle men, I accept this award. Handsomely. And humbly.